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What do you think of my persuasive essay?
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2 Responses to What do you think of my persuasive essay?
you need to indent when you start another paragraph.
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Good paper! I like it!
One thing I would like to point out (though I don’t know if it applies with it being a quote) is that numbers should be written out if they are under a hundred.
“First off, oil spill is one of the causes engendered by humanity that caused the Galapagos Penguins to be endangered. ”
Something about the two ’causes’ in the sentence. Maybe change one to a synonym? ‘Induced’ is a good choice.
“A repulsive fact of oil pollution is that most of the oil spills are caused by deliberately operational discharges, which means that oil tankers discharge oily water into the sea before loading up with fresh oil simply because it’s time consuming.”
Again, maybe change the second discharge? Unload, empty, release..?
This is all I really saw. Just trying to help out. You don’t have to change them, but I do think it sounds better and makes you sound even more bright when you use different words.
http://homeworktips.about.com/od/essaywriting/a/numbers.htm
http://www.synonym.com/
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